sunday

i could mislead you here and tell you what a lovely sunday afternoon we had at the beach. looks nice doesn't it?

 but sometimes photos don't tell the whole story.

today, i was feeling very flat. i have been distracting myself of late...  distracting myself from the fact that jess and i are on our own, as alistair has once again headed off to work overseas after only a few short weeks at home... distracting myself from the inevitable feelings of being far away from a loved one.

we were fortunate to have my mother and father in law stay with us for a few days after alistair left. as we fare welled them this morning, to continue on with their travels to the west, i felt an emptiness creep in. i always feel this way whenever anyone that's been staying leaves.

the grey clouds of the morning reflected my mood back to me. 'come on sunshine' i kept thinking, 'come out and cheer me up'.

i felt impatient, short tempered and unsympathetic towards jessica. i was not being my best self.

a walk was what i needed. space to just be.

so off to the beach we went with our afternoon tea and the sun finally shone. it was lovely. i love doing this with my girl and she loves it too.

but it didn't really get me out of the self pitying mood i was in. i just wanted to take photos (and took many). i didn't feel like playing. jess got quite annoyed with this. she couldn't work out whether to have shoes on or off, socks on or off, whether we should build a sandcastle or run along the beach. she was frustrating me and i was frustrating her. tears had to be averted many times. the two year old was coming out in us both.

and that is what the photos don't tell you.

it is hard this life that we live with alistair working away for long periods of time. it is just the way we live. the days like today are the worst, when i can't jimmy myself out of a bad mood, when i am not being my best self.

acknowledging that fact helps.